Shopping in Football Terms

I wrote this in honor of Today’s Super Bowl.
Shopping explained in terms men can understand…

It was the big day.
I entered the mall /stadium with my team/friends.  Anticipation was high as game time was about to begin. I needed a dress for an upcoming event and I wasn’t going to leave until I accomplished my goal.

The opposing teams were, as always, my Taste and my Budget. Budget was expected to win, with Taste being the underdog.

There were lots of distractions–the smell of soft pretzels and lattes from the food court, the annoying perfume girls who kept stepping in my way, the gray haired, well spoken guy following me, who insisted on announcing my every move and kept asking me if my family was “somewhere in the crowd,” for some strange reason. I knew I needed to focus and keep my head in the game—I owed it to the team.

I tried several plays at the trendy stores, but ended up wasting a lot of time without making any headway.

I decided to go with a store/play that was tried and true.

I quickly reached the 50 yard line when I found a dress in the color I was looking for!

Moments later, I got to the 20 yard line in the dressing room when I tried on the dress and it actually fit. It covered up my “problem” areas, making my butt and thighs look smaller, and even accentuated my assets.
Things were looking promising and excitement was growing.

Then, I made it to the 10 yard line when I found a pair of shoes in MY SIZE and the COLOR I needed to match the dress!

I couldn’t believe it! I started peacocking and loosing focus.
Things were going too well.

It looked like the Taste team was actually going to win this time!
But, there was an upset when I looked at the price tag and had to turn the dress/ball over to the Budget team because it was more than I could spend.

Luckily, it was Half Time. I took a break, had a snack, splashed my face with a bit of water and then huddled with my team.

I was getting discouraged, but my friend/coach yelled at me to get my head back in the game and not loose focus.  I wasn’t leaving until I got what I came here for!
I touched up my under eye concealer and headed back out to the game.

About 10 shopping time/game time minutes later (about an hour), I miraculously ran it for a touchdown and found a dress by my favorite designer in the same color, AND IT WAS ON SALE!!

Then, I scored a field goal when I got to the register and the items rang up at an extra 20% off!!!  The crowd/my friends went wild! A few of them even smacked me on the butt, for some strange reason.

I did a victory dance in the aisle and started show-boating. I was penalized and will not be able to return to the mall for at least a few weeks, but it was soooo worth it.

Why did it take me 3 hours to shop, when I told you it would only be an hour?
Sorry honey, the game went into overtime.