“Mommy you are so soft and warm”
-My five year old
I am a skinny and tall person. Others have described me as boney. I used to get made fun of on the bus in 9th grade, “here comes stick woman.” I have never wanted to be boney, but with lots of food allergies and stomach problems throughout my life, I have finally accepted that this is just me. I will never be a curvy or voluptuous woman, and that’s ok.

If you’ve ever gotten a hug from a boney person, you know it doesn’t feel the same as a hug from someone with a little bit of girth. Something about a hug from someone with a little bit of weight on them feels soft and comforting and for me that has always increased the comforting vibes I get from a hug.

So, my boney frame concerned me when I became a mom. Would my child feel loved and comforted by my boney embrace that wasn’t exactly soft? My first daughter was long and boney too (no baby fat to speak of, except a bit on her “Martinez” cheeks). Sometimes I looked down at her and felt like we looked like 2 skeletons embracing. I would hug her tighter and try to envelope her with my upper body, smother her with kisses and always made sure to say “I love you,” several times throughout the day.

I was definitely not spoiled as a child. But, one thing my parents gave me, something invaluable, was love–unconditional, authentic, soft place to land kind of love. And as an adult, I realize that gift was far more important than having the latest pair of jeans. And for that, I thank them.
So, I made it my goal to make sure to hug, cuddle and kiss and love my girls as much as they’d let me.

I love them authentically and unconditionally. That doesn’t mean that I don’t raise my voice at them after I’ve asked them to pick up their dirty socks and shoes from underneath the dining room table for the umpteenth time (I have a child who, for some reason, dear Lord, cannot eat with her shoes on LOL). It doesn’t mean that I never get angry with them. But, I can say without a doubt that they know that I love them, NO MATTER WHAT.

They are different ages and while one of them tells me that she wants to live with us forever (apparently she and her kindergarten boyfriend will both be staying with us–not sure how he’ll feel about that LOL). My older daughter is more pragmatic, “if I can’t get a job right away after college, can I come back home to live, for a while?”
“Of course,” I say.
“And if you ever have any problems, we will be here for you,” I say. Not knowing what lies ahead for her in this crazy world that can be rough for a woman, I think, “You will always have a soft place to land here.”

So when my 5 year old embraces my boney frame and says to me, “Mommy, you are so soft and warm,” I think to myself, “mission accomplished/accomplishing” and I hug her even tighter as I whisper to her, “I love you soooooo much and I always will, sweet girl.”

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