Ok, so I can’t draw, but if I could…
Pregnancy Badge
You survived 9 months of your body morphing into almost unrecognizable form, mood swings, hemorrhoids, nausea, exhaustion, peeing when you sneeze, and listening to unsolicited advice from everyone from your mother to complete and total strangers.
Labor Badge
You survived whatever type of labor you may have had (water birth, natural, epidural, or cesarean) and ridding yourself of any guilt you might experience at not having another kind of birth and realizing that the important thing is that you met your end goal–delivering a healthy baby!
Breastfeeding Badge
A little known secret that this badge is actually harder to obtain than the labor badge (shhh, don’t tell). Weathering the breastfeeding Nazis and/or formula pushers and making your own decisions, without feeling guilty–you definitely deserve a badge for that!
Albert Einstein Badge
Have you ever heard that Albert Einstein only slept for a few hours a night and wondered how in the heck that was possible? Wonder no more because now you are doing it too!
Car Seat Installation and Baby Crap Assembly Badge
You managed to install the car seat correctly and put together the crib, changing table, swing, pack and play, bouncy seat, and exersaucer without losing your mind and you even figured out the baby sling, in your spare time.
Staying Together Badge
You and your spouse stayed together for more than one week after bringing baby home.
24 Hour Badge
Going for more than 24 hours without having an argument with your spouse (some couples never obtain this badge–no matter how many years they try.)
First Shots Badge
You survived your baby’s first round of vaccinations without running screaming from the building, crying more than your baby and wondering if his/her sense of trust in you would be irrevocably damaged.
Baby Essentials Badge
You managed to go on an outing without forgetting any baby essentials in your diaper bag (this may sound easy, but you’d be surprised how many parents have left the house with a diaper bag containing no actual diapers).
Baby Blowout Badge
You survived your first (and likely not your last) baby diaper blowout. You’ve seen your baby at his/her worst and while you were undoubtedly revolted and may have even gagged, you still managed to love him or her and even laugh about the experience afterward.
Christmas Road Trip Badge
You survived a Christmas road trip to visit the family or families–(commonly referred to as surviving the third level of Hell, for parents in the know).
Dueling Mother in Laws Badge
You survived a visit with both mother in laws at the same time. It’s a little known fact that your mother in law did everything exactly the opposite of your mother–and yet, you and your spouse both managed to stay out alive and turn out relatively sane, go figure.
Eager Reader Badge
Did you buy 30 books on babies and parenting and read 1 of them? Good job! You qualify as an Eager Reader.
First Tooth Badge
Did you survive your kid getting their first tooth without over medicating you and/or the baby in the process and with only one of you wearing a bib? Then this badge is for you.
Baby Alive Badge
Did your child make it to their first birthday, still alive, while under your care? Give yourself a pat on the back and slap on a badge.
Congratulations to you, you deserve it!
